For the podcast Set to Lead, Mary Ann Samedi asked me a number of practical questions about how you can work effectively with people according to their conflict styles.
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Part of the challenge of being in conflict is that we can become very self-focused: We wonder why this is happening to us and how can we protect ourselves. That self-focus often leads us to think so much about ourselves, our needs and our reactions that we don’t necessarily see what’s going on with the other person.
That’s not helpful, because there are so many different ways that people express themselves in conflict. Most people don’t intend to behave badly, they’re just trying to get their needs met. But if they have trouble expressing what they want or figuring out how to marshal the data to persuade you, they follow their underlying conflict pattern. Once you see their pattern, you can choose an appropriate response to start resolving the conflict and get things moving forward again.
Responses to Various Conflict Styles
Whatever someone else’s conflict style might be, the crucial thing is to be aware of their pattern and experiment with helping them see your perspective by showing them that you see theirs. If that’s not helpful, you may need to call in some backup, whether it’s your mutual colleagues or your boss.
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